


Cross-cultural Romance Binge Day 28

by cthchewy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Brokeback Mountain References, Dialogue-Only, M/M, Movie Reference, This is DUMB
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-29
Updated: 2015-05-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:01:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23115109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cthchewy/pseuds/cthchewy
Summary: Dave and Karkat watch Brokeback Mountain.  For cultural exchange reasons.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Kudos: 16





	Cross-cultural Romance Binge Day 28

**Author's Note:**

> Oh man, I found this on my computer dated to May 2015, but somehow I never posted it?? Or at least it never made it here??? It might be a kink meme piece, idk.
> 
> (Posting in 2020)

cross cultural romance binge day 28

thats 28 days later which as you know is when the protagonist wakes up and realizes oh shit ive landed in a cult classic film

genre? survival horror slash sociopolitical commentary

main plot device being infectious rage

hate breeds hate

literally with you trolls so youd get a kick out of that

kick that hate bucket all the way into the mother grubs slurry hoop from the three point line really drive it across the range

...

cmon man dont leave me hanging here mumbling all to myself

*SIGH*

DID YOU HEAR THAT? I SIGHED IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION.

snark is good thats a start

YOU’VE MADE IT NO SECRET THAT YOU PLAN ON SHOWING ME YOUR FAVORITE SHITTY ZOMBIE MOVIES ON THE 28TH ITERATION OF OUR CROSS CULTURAL HORROR BINGE.

HOWEVER! IT’S A ROMANCE DAY, AND IT’S YOUR TURN. I DON’T EXPECT TO BE WOWED OR TO EVEN SHED A SINGLE TEAR OF PITY, BUT IF YOU TRY TO PRETEND THAT ANYTHING SIMILAR TO THE FROTHING PUSTULE ON THE FACE OF CINEMATOGRAPHY KNOWN AS ‘DEUCE BIGALOW’ IS ACTUALLY A ROMANCE, I WILL BE FORCED TO FLY OFF THE FUCKING HANDLE.

SO MANY PIROUETTES, DAVE. I WILL SHOW YOU ALL THE PIROUETTES.

nah man its cool i got this

today were watching a critically acclaimed masterpiece all kinds of awards up ins

some really cool cinematography nice scenery nice framing musics good too

also its hella gay

GAY AS IN YOU THINK THE PLOT’S STUPID OR GAY AS IN HOMOSEXUAL?

the time has come young padawan

you are now ready to embark on a journey of knowledge about human same gendered mating fondness

aka what we have going on between us

which is a state commonly referred to as being hella homo

THIS BETTER NOT BE ABOUT JOHN. I TOLD YOU I’M OVER HIM.

its about me being in gays with you jeez learn to take something at face value for once

MAYBE WHEN YOU STOP BEING IRONICALLY INSINCERE ALL THE TIME, ASSWIPE.

this is me being sincere

so fucking sincere to the point where im volunteering to watch a movie about the forbidden love between two hoofbeast wranglers and the resultant shitstorm of quadrant problems that happens because one of the dudes got married or quad bonded or whatever to someone else and then the other one did too and everyone is fucking miserable

which is exactly the same plot of maybe at least 25% of your favorite movies so you see how observant i am being and like attentive to your needs and stuff

ALL RIGHT, I GUESS THAT’LL DO. GOOD DAVE, BEST HUMAN BOYFRIEND.

woof

am i outta the doghouse now can we do the locomotion

PUT IN THE MOVIE BEFORE THE BARKBEAST HIVE BECOMES YOUR PERMANENT ADDRESS

\--

THAT HOOFBEAST WRANGLER, THE CHATTY ONE. WASN’T HE THE BOY IN THE BUBBLE? I CAN’T STOP SEEING HIM AS THE BOY IN THE BUBBLE.

funny you should say that first time i saw this i kept imagining him as donnie darko

puts a very interesting spin on things

\--

HOLD ON A MINUTE. ENNIS IS A REPRESSED DOUCHE. THIS COMING FROM A TROLL PERSPECTIVE. IS IT STILL TRUE IN HUMAN TERMS?

truer words were never said

WOW OKAY SO HE CHEATED ON HIS WIGGLERHOOD SWEETHEART...

theyre more like two sad people who fell in together because they had i dunno what the troll equivalent would be

the same bloodcaste?

so they got married because *shrug* im a midblood youre a midblood lets make midblood slurry as our duty to the drones

HUH. IT DOES MAKE A LOT OF SENSE WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY. HE’S STILL A DOUCHE FOR NOT TELLING HER ABOUT HIS DALLIANCES WITH BUBBLE BOY. SO MUCH TROUBLE COULD BE AVOIDED WITH SOME PROPER COMMUNICATION.

yeah but then you wouldnt have a story

also i see your bubble boy and raise you the joker

\--

JACK IS A PILE OF SHITS, TOO.

you mean bubble boy

HE SHOULD REALLY KNOW BETTER THAN TO WASTE HIS TIME PINING OVER THE LIKES OF THE JOKER, A MAN SO UPTIGHT HE COULDN’T FIND HIS OWN WASTECHUTE IF IT WAS POINTED OUT TO HIM BY AN EXPERIENCED TEAM OF SURVEYORS WITH MAP AND COMPASS AT THE READY.

BUT I CAN’T FAULT HIM FOR THAT SINCE EMOTIONS ARE A HUGE BITCH. THE FACT THAT HE GOES AND MARRIES SOMEONE HE ONLY PASSABLY PITIES IS KIND OF SHIT AND UNFAIR TO HER.

THE FACT THAT HE CHEATS ON HER WITH OTHER GUYS WHO AREN’T THE JOKER PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF.

IT’S LIKE DOUBLE-CHEATING, IF SUCH A THING WERE POSSIBLE. HOW LOW CAN THIS ASS FISSURE GO?

guys desperate you know gotta get his d from somewhere

maybe in the dark he can pretend its the jokers pork sword in his bum

MY GOD THAT WAS A DISGUSTING SENTENCE YOU JUST SAID. WE NEED TO RETIRE THESE NICKNAMES STAT.

\--

*SNIFFLE*

hey karks you okay?

*SNIFF* *MUMBLE* *SNORT* *SNIFF*

uh...

I’M FINE!

your eyes are... pretty red there

COMFORT ME, YOU SAD SACK OF GREASETRAP SCRAPINGS.


End file.
